A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime Wednesday: ID Thieves Who Go Out To Eat Risk Dramatic (and Awkward) Encounters

Lakewood, Colorado

The two weeks between February 13 and February 25 of 2013 had been a rough stretch of days for Applebee's waitress Brianna Priddy. In addition to having to convince customers that her employer's boneless wings are actually good and that their drinks aren't watered down, she also had her wallet stolen.

To make matters even worse, the thief wasn't one of those passive ID thieves that simply adds you to their stockpile of looted personal info (to sell to even shadier people at a  later date); this one promptly began writing hundreds of dollars worth of bad checks in her name.

The scumbag sociopath also had her driver's license, all of her credit cards, and a decent amount cash. For Brianna, it looked like the beginning of spring would be spent dealing with credit agencies and listening to terrible hold music.

But on the evening of February 25, something so perfectly magical happened that you would think this story took place in the state of Florida...mostly because it was all made possible by someone who may quite possibly be the stupidest criminal that we have ever profiled on this site.

When a group of four people sat down in Brianna's section and began to order drinks, she did her due diligence as a server and asked for their IDs.

You probably can imagine her surprise when one of the woman at her table handed Brianna her own stolen drivers license.

Showing the years of training and tolerance for the worst of humanity that only being a waiter or waitress can bring, Brianna politely smiled, got took their order, and made a quick stop back by the bar to call the police. She even continued to wait on the table (including the person who had made her life miserable for the last two weeks) while officers were en route to the restaurant.

When the police arrived and apprehended the suspect, they had no idea just how far down the derp rabbit hole this case would truly go. For starters, the woman looked nothing like Brianna at all. She was also 26-years-old, meaning that she could have just simply used her own ID to purchase her drink.

In addition to all that, it was also discovered that the ID thief had illegal narcotics in her possession which she intended to sell.

The ID thief with a taste for Applebee's horrid magaritas currently faces felony charges including theft, identity theft, and criminal impersonation. At this time police are not releasing the suspect's name because the case is still "under investigation"...which I really hope means that other people who have possibly had their IDs stolen by this woman are getting them back, as well (maybe from the Olive Garden or somewhere a little more exotic).

Embedded below is a local news report on the matter, which includes an interview with Brianna Priddy, a police spokesman calling the criminal dumb, and shots of the exterior of Applebee's (which totally made me lose my appetite).

Congratulations on getting your life back, Brianna. Other victims of ID theft can only hope that their tormentors are as stupid as yours was.


Please feel free to leave a comment below. If you'd like to sing my praises or tell me how terrible I am more personally, I can also be found on Twitter.

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