(photo @ thegrindstone)
On Monday, March 31 of 2014, police responded to a call by 31-year-old Dwayne Yeager about his home being broken into. In the call, which was made shortly after 7:00 AM, Yeager claimed that he arrived home after being gone 45 minutes to find his front door open.
"I need a sheriff in Brandon...my door's wide open. My windows to my son's bedroom are open. My TVs are laying on the ground."
He also claimed to have seen a white Honda Civic with a black fender pulling out of his driveway...although something tells me that "fender" was actually supposed to mean "spoiler."
...because that would help to positively identify the suspect as a douchebag
When police arrived at Yeager's house, it predictably appeared to be ransacked. The front bedroom window and blinds were also open, but showed no sign of forced entry. This led police to question Yeager's neighbors, where they discovered that things didn't quite down as the alleged burglary victim had claimed.
Yeager's neighbors explained to the deputies that he had come back to his home that morning, opened the windows and blinds himself, and then waited in his front yard for the police. They also said that story about a douchified Honda Civic pulling out of Yeager's driveway was completely false.
When deputies confronted Yeager with these neighborly allegations, he admitted that the entire burglary story had been staged in the hopes of not having to go to work that day. He then piled on the stupid, claiming that his wife made him do it because she wouldn't let him go to work...AND that he didn't think calling the police about a fake burglary would get him into very much trouble.
As usual, this story leaves us with a few very important questions:
1. Just how much do this guy's neighbor's hate him?
I'm not just claiming they hated him because they told the truth to the police, by the way.
The time frame for the crimes (both real and imagined) took place between 6:00-7:00 AM. The fact that MULTIPLE people were allegedly watching him stage a home break-in instead of sleeping or watching Good Morning America...and that no one gave him the benefit of the doubt...would seem to indicate some sort of previous animosity existed.
2. Why not just call in sick?
It's an obvious question, but still a valid one. Even if he'd used up all his sick leave, there had to be better and less risky excuses than staging a robbery and calling the police about it.
3. Why wouldn't his wife let him go to work?
Either she really wanted to spend time with him, or he just totally threw his better half under the bus.
Dwyane Yeager was arrested and charged with one count of giving false information to a law enforcement officer. He was released later that day on $500 bond.
I'm guessing he still didn't go to work.
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