A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime: Golden Arch

(photo @ wikipedia)

Dover, Pennsylvania

A little after midnight on April 27, 2014, 30-year-old Tammy Dawn Clement decided to attempt something at McDonald's that most of us want to try, but never have: Walking through the drive-though.

Okay, maybe I'm the only one without enough balls to have ever done this. But when I go to Mickey D's (or any other fast food location), it's because I'm desperately hungry. Any tale I've heard about those brave enough to order in the drive through on foot have ended with them being refused service.

For Tammy, that's exactly what happened. Her reaction to this perceived injustice, however, is where things really got kicked up a notch. After trying to climb through the ordering window to exact revenge on her minimum wage adversary (and failing miserably), she proceeded to pull down her pants and urinate in the parking lot.

...which still isn't as horrifying as what
 you might see inside one of their bathrooms.

There are probably much worse things that have taken place on the asphalt surrounding a McDonald's location, but Tammy's actions were still more than enough to warrant a call to the police. Before they got there, however, she beat a hasty retreat...to a convenience store right across the road.

When officers arrived at the store, they heard a loud banging noise coming from the women's restroom...which very well could have been the sound of Tammy's remaining inhibitions and good sense aggressively clogging a toilet.

While the police attempted to take her into custody, she spat at them so vigorously that a shield was required to protect the officers from her toxic, crazy-lady saliva. Once Tammy was finally placed inside the police cruiser, she proceeded to bang her head against the inside of it. She also continued to spit at the officers so much that they finally had to put a mask on her.

"I ate his Big Mac with some french fries...and a diet 
 soda in which I'd deposited a mixture of mucus and saliva."

Once Tammy arrived at the police station (after allegedly trying to fake a seizure) she was charged with resisting arrest, disorderly conduct, and public drunkenness.

She was later released on $5,000 bond. No current information on her court date (which should be a doozy) has been released at this time.

It should also be noted that this whole incident started with Tammy getting out of a car to walk through the drive-though...so I'm totally calling her decision to order on foot being the result of a dare.

Actual Mug Shot. No Mask, No Sense.

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