A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime Wednesday: Publix Palm Punch

(photo @ health.com)

Bonita Springs, Florida

On Friday, March 14 of 2014, 56-year-old Stephen Jones was suffering a common grocery store parking lot predicament: Being stuck while waiting to turn. When you combine the horde of roaming pedestrians who are normally found in those types of parking lots...along with being in Florida (i.e. God's Waiting Room)....then a simple left turn can easily become a 10-15 minute ordeal.

Unfortunately, behind Stephen was a gold Lexus occupied by two old people who clearly did not appreciate his situation. The driver began laying on the horn at him, demanding (I guess) that he turn into oncoming traffic for the sake of their convenience.

After a while, Stephen decided to call their 'road rage tough guy' bluff', exiting the car and walking over to them. Now this isn't the actual 'crime' part of the incident, but it is the the point in the story where two separate douchebag behaviors occur.

1. When Stephen approached the vehicle, its occupants rolled up their windows and refused to speak to or acknowledge him.

If you're going to have the gall to lay on the horn at somebody stopped in front of you (which in car language means "YOU'RE A STUPID ASSHOLE"), then you better have the balls to also say it with your mouth when the target of your ire confronts you...

...unless of course they have a gun. You don't want to be caught on an angry Floridian's ground when it starts moving in your direction.

2. Stephen claims that he got out of his car and walked towards the Lexus to "see if they had a problem." 

C'mon, man.We all know you were actually going back there to colorfully describe them as various parts of the human anatomy....and you were pretty justified in doing so. Don't play the faux innocence card.

No one will ever do it better than Eddie, anyway

After Stephen got back into his car, however, 61-year-old Eileen Nemeroff finally found her courage, springing forth from the passenger's seat and storming over to (a now seated) Stephen. According to multiple witnesses, she then proceeded to call him a bunch of nasty names while reaching into his car and slapping him across the face.

To Stephen's credit, he responded by calmly getting out of his car and taking a picture of his attacker's license plate...which he was lucky to catch since the Nemeroff's car hopped a curb and sped away.

The police later caught up to Eileen Nemeroff at her home, where she was arrested and charged with assault and burglary (?). The burglary charge is for reaching into Stephen's truck, but the question mark remains due to that still not making sense.

...unless she also managed to steal Stephen's sunshine

Please feel free to leave a comment below. If you'd like to sing my praises or tell me how terrible I am more personally, I can also be found on Twitter. 

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