A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime: Flashing the Badge and Butt

(photo--and these awesome pants--@ cafepress)

Orlando, Florida

At approximately 1:00 AM on January 3, 2014, 55-year-old Matt Skytta walked into IHOP for a late night meal. The manager of the restaurant recognized him, but not for good reasons. Apparently, Matt had a habit of ordering meals there and leaving without paying for them.

When Matt's server asked him if he had enough cash on him to pay for his food, he responded that he did not...but since he was a cop, he didn't need to pay for his meal, anyway.

A quick look at Matt's Facebook page lists his occupation as "self employed" along with his most recent status update simply stating 'Eat me.' I suppose he could still be a cop, but the small amount of evidence I looked over does not seem to indicate him having any sort of career in law enforcement. (Matt also has an Orlando based Match.com account, but I'm nowhere near brave enough to dive down that rabbit hole).

The server apparently didn't seem to think Matt was an police officer either, refusing to serve him even after he flashed a (fake) Orlando Police Department badge. That's when things got a little testy.

Matt allegedly refused to leave the restaurant, proclaiming that he would stay on the premises "until you feed me." He also threatened to beat up the server, who immediately dialed 911. As the server (wisely) walked away from the table, however, was when Matt really kicked things up a notch by pulling down his pants and exposing his butt to everyone in the establishment.

"...and don't even think about asking where I keep my sidearm!"

When the police arrived, Matt was STILL sitting at the booth where he'd been seated, no doubt eagerly awaiting whatever type of food and service that mooning the restaurant's staff will get you. Unfortunately for him, his "friends" at the Orlando Police Department weren't very accommodating.

Matt Skytta was arrested and charged with impersonating a police officer (so he was a phony), trespassing, and disorderly conduct. This is normally where our weird crime stories end, but not for Mr. Skytta. As the police hauled him out of the restaurant, he yelled "I'm a Green Beret! If I die, Obama dies!"

And just to make sure that everyone knew he was crazy, Matt also claimed he knew the police chief and that his fellow retired officers would "help him out." I'm guessing those phone calls will all go straight to voice mail.

And don't forget, ladies...this one's still single.

Please feel free to leave a comment below. If you'd like to sing my praises or tell me how terrible I am more personally, I can also be found on Twitter. 

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