A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime: Norman's Nasty Revenge

(photo @ sodahead.com)

Niles, Illinois

On January 29, 2013, 71-year-old Norman Kazmierski was arrested on four counts of criminal damage to property after keying some cars in his condominium complex's parking lot. A 71-year-old man keying cars is a little bit odd, but it's definitely not something that would attract much interest from those of us who enjoy reading about weird crimes.

But after other apartment residents recently gave an interview to George Slefo in the Niles Herald-Spectator, my interest was officially piqued. According to them, Norman's crimes have been far more extensive and heinous than simple vandalism.

It all started when one of the residents allegedly left a note on Norman's car asking that he "park properly so that others could properly park next to him"...although I'm guessing that the note was probably not written in such a genial and eloquent manner.

The tone was probably a little closer to this.

As you might imagine, Norman did not appreciate the advice or its method of delivery. But unlike most people who are not psychotic, he decided to take revenge on every possible person in the complex who may have written the offending letter. Norman accomplished this by doing things as complicated as shutting off the emergency sprinkler system or as simple as egging people's doors.

His worst act of revenge, however, was leaving giant turds outside people's residences...including the home of the condominium association president, Gary Chase. 

Mr. Chase is a much kinder and more rational man than I am, because instead of finding Norman and aggressively returning the feces to where it originated, he invited the Mad Crapper to their next association meeting for a discussion about their issues over a few slices of pizza. 

But if you thought Norman showed some major cojones pooping on the president's doorstep, than what he did next is so diabolically nasty that it almost inspires a small degree of admiration. 

On the night of the meeting/pizza party, Norman actually did show up. But he only stayed long enough to take a few slices of pizza and immediately headed back upstairs to his residence. A few hours later, however, residents found feces smeared onto their doors.

So essentially, Norman took the food that they offered to him, ate it, pooped it out, and then used it to give a defiant (and foul-smelling) middle finger right back at them.

If the pizza came from here, the
 'middle finger' was probably a bit runny, as well.

But until the car keying incident, the condominium residents hadn't obtained any proof that Norman was responsible for the torment they had been experiencing.  Luckily for them, cameras caught the Mad Crapper scrapping their vehicles, finally leading to his arrest.

Norman Kazmierski is scheduled to appear at a hearing on Monday, November 25. Many of his former neighbors have said that they will be in attendance to see that justice is served.

...and will not be going out for pizza, afterwards.

Please feel free to leave a comment below. If you'd like to sing my praises or tell me how terrible I am more personally, I can also be found on Twitter. 

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