A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime: Slugging the Slushie Machine

(photo @ wikipedia)

Holyoke, Massachusetts

Everyone gets mad at machines and inanimate objects once in a while. At my job, for example, it takes all the patience I can muster some weeks just to restrain myself from beating the crap out of our copy machine

But on Sunday, October 6 of 2013, 26-year-old Brenda Diaz decided that she was no longer going to take any crap from the slushie machine (known as a Flavorshot and valued at approximate $2,000) inside of her local Shell gas station.

Around 6:30 AM that morning, Brenda charged into the store and began randomly hitting the walls in an effort to establish dominance and intimidate any store employees or fellow food processing devices that may try to intervene. Brenda then turned her attention to the slushie machine, which she began hitting before eventually knocking it violently to the floor.

It was kind of like this scene from Office Space, but with 
only one person (and most likely a large amount of PCP).

Having successfully vanquished her opponent, Brenda then ran across the street to a Holiday Inn parking and removed her clothes. A state trooper who was headed over to the Shell station to investigate the disturbance observed the naked slushie machine conqueror and decided that something had to be done. He also called for back up before proceeding, which ended up being a very smart decision.

While waiting for the other officers could arrive, Brenda at least had the decency to put her clothes. But once they got there and attempted to use pepper spray and a stun gun on her, she refused to yield. The police were eventually able to physically subdue the suspect despite the fact that she continued to claw, scream, and kick while being being arrested.

Brenda Diaz was charged with destruction of property, three counts of assault and battery on a police officer, and good old fashion disorderly conduct. Brenda was also hit with two counts of child endangerment since her 8 and 11-year-old children were waiting in the car while she went on her rampage.

I'm guessing they didn't get slushies (or any form of good parenting) that day.

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