A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime Wednesday: Cannonball Buns

Please Note: That sound you hear (if your speakers are on or your headphones are in) an embedded autoplay video competing for your attention. I'm not happy about it either.

Chicago, Illinois

On August 31 of 2013, Tom Carideo was driving to pick up his children that evening when he noticed something odd while passing the North Coast Music Festival in Union Park: A naked man who was running in circles.

This actually isn't very unusual behavior to witness at a music festival. It is, however, a potentially dangerous situation when that person is also tripping out of their mind on hallucinogenics and jogging in the middle of the street. But Tom (who seems like a pretty laid back guy) just laughed at the spectacle playing out before him.

That reaction did not seem to sit very well with 22-year-old exhibitionist/concert goer Sam Schauer. He turned, looked right at Carideo sitting in his 2008 Mercedes, and charged. Sam then proceeded to do a canon ball and landed "ass first" onto Cardio's windshield, cracking it along with a little bit of Tom's faith in humanity.

(WGN in Chicago has footage of Sam running around the street. It's (thankfully) blurred out over Sam's privates, but also seems to stop right before the fateful leap).

Tom dialed 911 and grabbed a hockey stick he had in his car for protection. He continued to stay on the line with the dispatchers and followed Sam, who had now moved on from attacking cars with his butt to drinking dirty water out of a puddle.

When the police arrived, Sam became combative, forcing the officers to Taser him into submission (although in this particular incident, the Chicago PD could be forgiven for having a broad definition of "combative"). He was arrested and taken to the hospital on account of the shards of glass still lodged in his posterior.

The Chicago Tribune later interviewed Tom, who describes the incident in detail while his two children look as though they'd rather be anywhere else than hearing about how their dad got his car busted up by the backside of a naked drug addict.

To Tom's credit, he didn't go full-on Casey Jones and beat the crap out of the guy with the hockey stick after having his windshield smashed. If there were hockey sticks in my car and something like that happened, I may not have been able to show the same type of restraint.

The entire sequence has also been animated, which only makes it seem even weirder (but a little less threatening).

Sam Schauer was arrested and charged with reckless conduct, reckless damage to property, aggravated assault, public indecency, and four counts of resisting an officer.

He is due in court on September 27 (and probably still won't be able to sit down after the judge begins the proceedings).

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