A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime Wednesday: Would You Like Fries And An Arrow To The Knee With That?

Warren, Massachusetts

On the evening of July 11, 2013, 28-year-old Jason Mckusick called in a delivery order to Des Pizza & More that included a side of french fries. When the order arrived, however, Jason discovered that the fries were not there.

This was probably for the best since french fries from pizza joints are usually terrible and overpriced, but Jason was determined to get them. Unfortunately, the person who delivered the food had already left.

Jason called the restaurant back and demanded that the $3 side item (see my previous mention of them being overpriced) be delivered to his house free of charge. According to the pizza parlor, they responded to Jason by saying that they would be happy to delivery the fries, but he would still be charged full price for them.

This type of customer service 
is known as 'The Comcast Approach'

Jason still refused to pay it, but Des Pizza sent a delivery person/sacrificial lamb to his apartment with the fries, anyway.

At this point, we have to assume that there is some missing information between the news reports and the police statements. If Des Pizza was so committed to customer satisfaction that they would send someone back to an irate customer's house with a $3 order of fries (that he said would not be paid for) than they probably should have just given them to him for free.

But it's also very possible that Jason told Des Pizza he would pay for them and then forgot he said that....primarily due to Jason quite possibly being psychotic and/or insane.

"And crazy folks gotta eat, too, my friend!"

The first clue that Jason isn't playing with a full deck was the pocket knife that he pulled on the deliveryman after he attempted to collect the $3 french fry fee.

The deliveryman (smartly) retreated and called the police. When the officers arrived, Jason's father burst out of the door and begged the police to allow him a chance to calm his son down before they entered the premises.

Unfortunately, the police could also hear Jason's mother screaming "put it down" over and over. Unless you're jamming to some Brandy or yelling instructions at someone with a banana peel in Mario Kart, this probably means that someone is holding a potentially dangerous object or weapon. Sure enough, the police opened the door and observed Jason holding a large black tomahawk in one hand and and a crossbow in the other. 

Jason responded to the officer's entrance by pointing the crossbow at them. He then pointed the crossbow at his own head and declared "You're going to have to shoot me!"

Realizing that they were dealing with a situation that could get messy, the officers asked the mother to leave. Jason responded by declaring that if she left, he would kill himself...and that no one was leaving the room. This turned what had at one point been a dispute over a $3 french fry order into a situation that required bringing in the state police and a S.W.A.T. team.

After a perimeter was set up around the complex, one of the officers was finally able to convince Jason to put his weapons on the ground. Unfortunately, another officers thought the moment the subject decided to relent was the perfect opportunity to shoot him with a Taser.

"Cut me some slack, sarge...I've been dying to try this thing!"

This had about the same effect that changing a tire in the rain has on the Incredible Hulk; Jason stumbled backwards, ripped the Taser probes from his chest, and became incredibly angry. He also reached down for the weapons that moments ago had been placed on the floor.

That's when police swarmed into the apartment. Seeing how well stunning the subject worked before, the officer that had initially tried to Taser Jason attempted to "dry stun" him. This involves firing a Taser against the subject without the probes and causes immense pain rather than incapacitating them.

Officer Itchy McTriggerFinger was promptly thrown against a chair by his target while the Taser continued to have no effect.

Jason Mckusick was finally (and physically) brought down by a large contingent of law enforcement personnel. He was arrested and charged with two counts of kidnapping, six counts of assault with a dangerous weapon, seven counts of assault and battery on a police officer, a single count of disorderly conduct, disturbing the peace, resisting arrest, and attempting to commit a crime (that last one seems kind of obvious, but it was for stealing the french fries).

Jason was arraigned and held without bail pending a hearing today. As of the time of publication, there has been no report stating the outcome or his sentencing.

But a path of rampaging destruction probably 
means that things did not go well that day in court.

Please feel free to leave a comment below. If you'd like to sing my praises or tell me how terrible I am more personally, I can also be found on Twitter.

To get updates on when new articles or podcasts are published (and occasional random musings) 'Like' the official RamblingBeachCat.com Facebook page. Every time someone does, another potentially violent dispute over a $3 order of french fries is peacefully resolved.

Disqus Comments