A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime: Poop And Blood Stains On The Carpet

Greene County, Missouri

When profiling a weird crime on RamblingBeachCat.com, we like to try and make sure that there are multiple sources that can be cited about the incident. This not only helps to strengthen verification, but also tends to give multiple perspectives that can help paint a more complete picture of what occurred.

The following story, however, has only one source (besides the official police booking record), but breezes over some peculiar circumstances that deserve to be given a closer examination.

The Springfield News-Leader reported that in the early hours of July 2, 2013, a man woke up to find 51-year-old Joanna Weatherford standing over him while he laid in his bed. This was not a good situation for him for a number of reasons.

For starters, Joanna has a bit of a history...or as her Google Plus profile says, she's "the woman your mother warned you about." Her recent shenanigans include

-An arrest in 2011 for third degree domestic assault

-An arrest in January of this year for violation of a restraining order

This was especially bad news for the man Joanna was standing over since she was his ex-girlfriend and he had also recently gotten his own restraining order against her.

According to the incident report, the man claimed that "Weatherford picked up a cleaver-style knife from the floor near his bed and attacked him with it." 

Now right there is a giant red flag on how this whole confrontation begins. 

For one thing, why is there a giant knife laying on your bedroom floor? If you're going to say that it's "for protection from my psychotic ex-girlfriend that has proven she will violate a restraining order," then again I ask WHY IS THERE A GIANT KNIFE LAYING ON YOUR BEDROOM FLOOR? At least keep it under your pillow or something.

Or on your pillow if you want to be daring and stylish.

The two began to struggle, but the ex-boyfriend was able to wrestle the knife away from her...which he promptly ran with outside and threw onto the roof of the apartment complex. He claimed that this was in response to her attempts at getting the knife back from him.

As strange a course of action as that may have seemed, this part of the story is actually believable if you take the ex-boyfriend's account at face value. According to him, Joanna had defecated on the window sill while breaking into his apartment. She then proceeded to leave behind a trail of crap that went from the living room into the bedroom where the conflict first began.

...which is can also be referred to as "crop bombing."

If a woman is crazy enough to commit attempted murder while also having a horrific bout of diarrhea, than her willingness to repeatedly try and grab a knife from the person she was just attempting to stab is completely plausible.

As you might imagine, all that craziness made enough of a commotion and noise that the ex-boyfriend's neighbors called the police. When the officers arrived, they discovered that Joanna was still inside his apartment. She claimed that her impromptu visit was simply to retrieve some belongings after being kicked out. Joanna did admit, however, to breaking in through the window (although she apparently plead the fifth on the trail of turd running through the residence).

Joanna also tried to claim that it was she that had been attacked and that her ex-boyfriend had tried to strangle her. Unfortunately for Joanna, the lack of bruises on her neck and the plethora of cuts and bruises on his arms didn't do much to support her story.

Joanna Weatherford was arrested and charged with second degree assault. She is currently being held on $7,500 bond in the Greene County Jail while awaiting a July 9 court date.

Hopefully the Greene County Jail staff 
is pretty liberal with bathroom privileges.

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