A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime Wednesday: Sometimes Every Answer To A Multiple Choice Question Is Wrong

Casselberry, Florida

On June 2, 2013, police responded to an early morning 911 call that a man had knocked on someone's door and begun to strip naked on their back porch.

When officers arrived on the scene, they were met by a completely nude 22-year-old man named Thomas Edwards, Jr. According to Thomas, he had been invited by his girlfriend to come over to her house and propose to her. But in addition to requesting that he make an honest woman out of her, Thomas claimed that she had also requested he ask for her hand in marriage while in the buff.

Oh yeah....and he also told police that his name was actually "Zim."

 "If I ever do enslave humanity, 
someone else has to be in charge of Florida."

Unfortunately for Thomas, his marriage proposal was not working out very well. Not only had the police been called, but his girlfriend had apparently told him to go to some random person's home. The (very unlucky) homeowners that he had greeted in his birthday suit had no idea who Thomas or his girlfriend was.

That might be why he decided to ask the officers on the scene if they could just take him to jail. Since Thomas was standing naked outside a stranger's home at 3:45 AM in the morning, this probably wasn't at all an unreasonable request (although you shouldn't take something like that for granted in the state of Florida).

But Thomas apparently wanted to make sure there was no doubt that he deserved some time in the slammer. He first asked the police officers if head-butting them would do the trick. When they advised against that course of action, Thomas inquired if spitting in one of the officers' faces would rustle their jimmies enough to send him to jail. Once again, they advised him doing so.


Unfortunately for the police, Thomas had already decided on the latter course of action. After spitting in the officer's face, he was predictably tasered and arrested.

Thomas Edwards Jr. was charged with indecent exposure in public, battery on an officer, and burglary (?)

He was booked into the Seminole County jail on $5,000 bond and was still there as of Tuesday morning.

 ...and ladies, it sounds like he's still single.

Please feel free to leave a comment below. If you'd like to sing my praises or tell me how terrible I am more personally, I can also be found on Twitter.

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