A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime: Bamboo Flute Goes Hard, Son

(photo @ wikipedia.com)

Gainesville, Florida

Let's imagine for a minute that your family decided to named you Bamboo Flute. At the very least it wouldn't be a stretched to imagine that you would probably resent them greatly for doing it. It's also very possible that as a male, you might feel the need to compensate for your bizarre name with an over the top "gangsta" persona.

Judging from the Facebook page kept by the real Bamboo Flute Blanchard of Gainesville Florida, he either enjoys attempting to be dangerously ironic or is trying way to hard at being an O.G.

Below is a screen shot from one of the pictures on his page. In the comments, he states:

"Ima Fly Every Last One Of my niggas Out Here. Best believe Ya boii Cominn Up in this world !! I miss all My gville shady cats! Represent 352 all Day son !!"

Translation: I would like to procure a flight for all of my good friends to come visit me at my current location. You should also be aware that I am doing quite well and currently on a path to success. I miss all my good friends from the Gainesville area and I am also making a concerted effort to represent the 352 area code as best I can in everything that I do.

Unfortunately for Bamboo's family, his attempts to demonstrate just how hard core he really is extend beyond Facebook ramblings. According to one of his 16 siblings (!), Bamboo has always been a little bit nuts. He was also arrested just last month on a DUI charge. 

But on the evening of June 25, 2013, Bamboo decided to escalate things to a deadly degree. While having a chat with his younger brother (who I'm guessing also has a weird name) about what it would be like to take someone's life, Bamboo picked up a knife, rubbed it across his heart, and stated that he didn't think he could "handle it." 

 But almost immediately following that statement, Bamboo decided to test his own resolve by walking into the bedroom of his 54-year-old father and stabbing him in the chest.

Emergency services were called and the father was (thankfully) saved, treated, and released from the hospital. But when the police tried to ask Bamboo why he stabbed his own father, he would only respond to them with a series of grunts....which is not nearly as cool as it would have been if he'd busted out an actual bamboo flute and started playing 'The End' by The Doors.

Bamboo Flute Blanchard was arrested and charged with attempted murder. Bamboo's father (who was not identified in any incident reports) refused to give a written or verbal statement against his son.

...which still might not make them even for giving his son that name.

Please feel free to leave a comment below. If you'd like to sing my praises or tell me how terrible I am more personally, I can also be found on Twitter.

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