A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime: When Lawn Gnomes (And Crazy Waitresses) Attack

(photo @ amazon.com)

Pinellas County, Florida

On May 19, 2013, 47-year-old restaurant server Lisa Buckley arrived home from work at 4:17 PM. She then went about reinforcing a food industry stereotype about veteran waitresses (demonstrated by the Naomi character from the movie 'Waiting') by picking a violent fight with one of her neighbors.

According to a police report, the altercation began with Lisa throwing various items all over her residence. She then reached for something that as an Atlanta Falcons fan would have scared the hell out of me: A New Orleans Saints-themed garden gnome.

Lisa then proceeded to strike the man on the head with the NFL licensed lawn ornament, causing him to bleed out of his left ear.

"WHO DAT gonna get a concussion, ya #$%&ing punk?!"

After realizing that she had crossed a line (and that the police who were on their way would be enforcing a lot more than the Travelocity guarantee), Lisa fled the scene.

The next day, however, the previously aggressive/violent waitress sent her gnoming victim a barrage of text messages begging him not to press charges. Unfortunately for her, the man she had attacked was (probably) a Tampay Bay Bucs fan.

On Tuesday, May 21, Lisa Buckley was arrested and charged with domestic battery and with harassing a victim. She was later released in lieu of $5,000 bail to roam the state of Florida.

The Pinellas County police department missed a real 
opportunity by not including the gnome in her mugshot.

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