A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime: (Un)Safety Dance

Orange County, Florida

Sometime before 8:00 AM on April 3, 2013, 34-year-old Felix Lockett crashed his vehicle into the barrier wall outside an apartment complex. When police were called to the scene of the accident, however, the car wreck itself became the least of their worries.

The weirdness began with Lockett, who had sustained very serious injuries, somehow still being able to strip completely naked and dance in the middle of the street.

According to a nearby woman who observed the impromptu nude jam session, Lockett had the music on his car stereo blaring and was "whamming on his car...like he was beating to the sound of the music."

Don't you dare call it a comeback.

But unfortunately for the police on the scene, Lockett's strange behavior was not the most bizarre or dangerous thing that they would encounter. When one of the officers opened up Lockett's car door, he was overcome by a strong chemical odor that instantly made his eyes water and gave him severe difficulty breathing.

It turned out that Lockett was mixing marijuana with formaldehyde (yes, the stuff used to embalm dead people) to create a potent brain zapper known on the streets as 'Love Boat.'

It's also sometimes substituted by a much less
potent version known as 'Love Boat: The Next Wave.'

It's worth pointing out that when your life has reached a point that you're using embalming fluid to help you get high at 8:00 in the morning while driving in your car, some serious redirection of your priorities and decision making skills needs to take place.

But back to the incident: Two more police officers were also exposed to the overwhelming chemical smell, causing all three to require medical attention. A hazmat unit was eventually called in to help remove the toxic materials from the car while Lockett himself was finally convinced to stop dancing so he could be taken to a nearby hospital.

At this time, Felix Lockett is facing one charge of driving under the influence, although there will likely be more to come once he is released from the hospital. The mugshot below is from an arrest in 2010 when he was caught driving without a license.

His 2013 mugshot, however, will be remembered as the time he was
caught driving without a brain in his head, but a song still in his heart.

Please feel free to leave a comment below. If you'd like to sing my praises or tell me how terrible I am more personally, I can also be found on Twitter.  

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