A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime: Barbershops and Salons Won't Mind If You Reschedule

Salt Springs, Florida

On March 27, 2013, 59-year old William Crawford, a road construction worker on N. Highway 19, noticed a 2001 Lincoln automobile speeding towards his work zone. When the car was confronted by a construction barricade (i.e. an orange traffic cone), the driver simply ran over it.

That's when Crawford sprang into action and got in front of the car while telling the driver to stop. What Crawford didn't realize, however, was that this motorist had absolutely no intention of abiding by work zone traffic regulations (or the laws of basic human decency).

If someone's driving one of these, than chances are they're more
 than willing to gamble with what little time on the earth they have left.

After unsuccessfully trying to get the car to back up, Crawford (unwisely) reached down to pick up the mangled traffic cone. That's when the driver of the vehicle accelerated and hit Crawford in the knee while blazing a path through the previously blocked entrance to the strip mall, Salt Springs Square.

The man then parked, quickly exited the vehicle, and rushed inside of Hair Solutions for Ladies and Gents, a (apparently very good) salon located within the row of stores that he was so anxious to get to.

Now this story is a little weird by this point, but not quite to the level that it would normally pique the interest of RamblingBeachCat.com. But what really takes things up a notch is when the police arrived at the hair salon to apprehend their suspect...a 76-year-old man (on oxygen) named William Faulkner.

Given the choice between the experience of pain and nothing, 
I would choose pain...as long as I can still get my hair did.

When questioned by the authorities, Faulkner explained that his reckless driving was due to the fact that he did not want to be late for his hair appointment.

As if that wasn't embarrassing enough, he also claimed to have not seen the traffic cone he ran over and thought that the construction worker would know to move out of the way when he refused to stop.

The real kicker, however, is that the police actually allowed the image conscious living road hazard to finish getting his haircut before they arrested him.

"Book 'em, Danno...after the blow dry, course."

William Faulkner was arrested and booked into the Marion County Jail on one charge of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon (to be fair, a 2001 Lincoln in the hands of an elderly driver has the potential to become a motorized steel and glass angel of death).

He was released from jail on Thursday, March 28 after posting $10,000 bond. As of March 31, no reports of a trial date and time have been set or publicly announced.

But whenever it is, let's hope 
that someone is able to give him a ride.

Please feel free to leave a comment below. If you'd like to sing my praises or tell me how terrible I am more personally, I can also be found on Twitter. 

Disqus Comments