Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Weird Crime: A Wild (And Very Brave) Go-Go Dancer Appears



Phoenix, Arizona

On February 23, 2013, 40-year-old Lawrence Aguirre was at a bar with his girlfriend where things were not going well. The pair was embroiled in a very heated argument...which may have had to do with the fact that she dragged him out to a local gay bar which also featured go-go dancers.

Now at this point, I can understand Lawrence being a little irritated. Despite having plenty of gay friends and being a big supporter of gay rights myself, I would not be at all please if my wife wanted to spend our date night surrounded bunch of half naked men that are in way better shape than I am.

But while Lawrence may have not appreciated his surroundings, he did appreciate the bar's drink selection quite a bit...which the bar manager, Adrian Carlos Maldonado, cut him off from for getting a bit too unruly. When Lawrence continued to yell at his girlfriend (and the bar's staff), Maldonado escorted him from the premises.

Unfortunately, Maldonado was unaware that Lawrence (who is the poster child for why hitchhiking is dangerous) kept an ax in his car, which he retrieved and repeatedly swiped against the bar's metal doors.

After a few seconds, Maldonado made the mistake of checking outside to see if his exiled customer was done with his live reenactment of 'The Shining.' That's when Lawrence burst through the door, ax still in hand, and threatened to hack away at the bar manager in a manner that Maldonado succinctly described as "adamant."



Some ax-wielding psychos just seem to be more amused than anything else.


That's when nearby a go-go dancer jumped onto Lawrence's back, causing him to swing his ax wildly through the air. Unfazed by the sharp metal object flailing through the air, Maldonado grabbed a pool cue and clubbed Lawrence over the head, causing him to drop his weapon. Four other bar patrons then rushed in and him to the ground, subduing him until police got there.

When the authorities arrived, Lawrence made the laughable decision to begin hurling homophobic slurs at the group of people that had managed to disarm him and thoroughly kick his ass. This not only made him look like a bigoted idiot/crybaby, but it also added the potential for his attack to be classified as a hate crime. Even if you don't like the idea of a person's personal prejudices increasing the severity of their punishment, this guy probably deserves a little something extra just for good measure.

Embedded below is a local news report, which an includes an interview with Maldonado and an on the scene reporter holding a pole cue in case you didn't know what one looked like.





Lawrence Aguirre was arrested and charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage. The bias crimes unit (?) is still investigating whether or not to charge him with a hate crime, as well.



Sad fact: This idiot can still get married in all 50 states




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