A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime Wednesday: 'Finders Keepers' Doesn't Work in the Real World

 (photo @ techdigest.tv)

Charlotte County, Florida

Anyone who has ever owned a cell phone has also lost track of it at some point. It's a device that we are constantly taking out of our pockets to keep in touch with others, check messages, and avoid having to talk to people we don't like...and that was before the advent of the smart phone.

Now we can play games, watch videos, surf the internet, and much more. For many people (myself included), our smart phones have become a central part of our daily routine, just like breathing and eating.

Unfortunately, some people (myself once again included) are so attached to our mobile devices that we can't go anywhere without them...including the bathroom.

                 Montezuma's Revenge = 5 levels of Angry Birds

That's why when a Florida woman left her iphone in a Walmart bathroom recently, it's something I could sympathize with. But while I would normally burst back in like I was trying to save a baby from a burning building to retrieve it, she forgot about her electronic tether for a while and wandered off.

This put the forgotten iphone's owner at the mercy of the next person who was brave enough to use a public restroom at Walmart and picked up her phone. Unfortunately for her, that person was 43-year-old Rene Marie Glynn, who was the exact opposite of a good Samaritan.

For starters, Rene already had a fairly long list of transgressions (23 charges with the Charlotte County police alone) over the last decade that indicate a severe lack of good decision making skills on her part. A few of her greatest hits include:

 (with her hair up)

(with her hair down) 
Aside from demonstrating the steadily improving camera quality afforded to the Charlotte County Police's booking department, the preceding set of mugshots also show that Rene was about the worst person possible you could have finding your iPhone in a public restroom.

The phone's owner used a tracking device (a real one, not those fake $0.99 app store scams with all the angry reviews) to find its location, which ended up being at the same address every time. She was later contacted by Rene herself, who offered to return the iPhone....for the bargain price of $100.  

To help cement her status as a terrible human being. Rene also added that if her demands were not met, she would simply sell the phone on Ebay; either way, she didn't care.

...and you just know that she's one of those people who jacks the shipping fee way up.

The phone owner's boyfriend worked with the police to set up a meeting between him and Rene as a sting operation. Their plan was almost foiled, however, by Rene's cunning criminal intellect (or a lack of gas money) when at the last minute, she changed the meeting location to the same nearby Walmart where the phone had originally been found/stolen.

Fortunately, the boyfriend and a few of the detectives were able to adjust in time. When Rene arrived at the store, he informed her that there would be no $100 extortion payment made, which she responded to by turning around and walking away. 

The boyfriend then began to chase after her, yelling that he would be willing to give her $20 instead.


"Seriously lady, it's an iPhone!
The battery will be dead before you walk out the door!"

Rene gladly accepted the low ball offer, which is when the police moved in and made the arrest.

Rene Marie Glynn is currently being held on $7,500 bond in her home away from home, the Charlotte County Jail. She is charged with theft due to her failure to report a lost item to the police or return it to its owner per Florida law.

 ...while the laws of basic human decency just judge her to be a bad person.

Please feel free to leave a comment below. If you'd like to sing my praises or tell me how terrible I am more personally, I can also be found on Twitter.

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