A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime Wednesday: Counterfeit Money--It's What's For Dinner

Johnson City, Tennessee

On January 9, 2013, 46-year-old Michael Herron and 30-year-old Adam Dillingham (along with an unidentified minor) walked into a local IHOP to enjoy a frugal feast of breakfast foods.

But when it came time to pay the bill, the restaurant's employees became suspicious of the money that the group tried to pay with...which was probably due to the fact that the currency they were using looked incredibly fake.

Realizing that the eatery they had attempted to scam was about to turn into the International House of Pain, the trio fled the scene...and immediately ran over to a nearby McDonald's, where they once again attempted to purchase food with (obviously) counterfeit money.

"Those IHOP servers were a bit too crafty; lets see if the  
Golden Arches' fraud detection team is less on top of things."

Besides the obvious "what the heck where they thinking" aspect to this entire scenario, the group's actions during this incident bring up another very important question (that will most likely never be answered in the investigation): Since the dinner bill is almost always brought out AFTER the meal is finished, it would be reasonable to assume that the three men had already consumed their food at IHOP before fleeing the premises....

....so which one of them was the champ that absolutely had to hit up some McDonald's for a second round of greasy goodness after the first meal? I know that after I'm done eating at IHOP, I usually begin to worry about my belt's ability to hold up my pants, not if I can chase it all down with a Big Mac and fries.

But I digress...the three men had woefully underestimated the intelligence of the McDonald's staff at this particular location (or severely overestimated their counterfeiting abilities), because the employees called the police, who arrived while the trio was still inside the restaurant.

Once the men were in custody, Adam Dillingham made himself suspect #1 (in my book, at least) for being the person who suggested going to McDonalds by attempting to eat the counterfeit money before the police could seize it from him. 

Unfortunately for Adam and his friends, the police were able to grab the bills out of his mouth in an act that should qualify the officers for hazard pay; can you image diving into a mouth of a man that had chewed through IHOP and McDonald's food in the same hour?

The charges for the men are as follows:

-7 counts of criminal simulation (?) and one count of contributing to the delinquency of a minor for Michael Herron. He is being held at the Washington County Detention Center on $22,000 bond.

24 counts of criminal simulation and one count of contributing to the delinquency of a minor for Adam Dillingham. He is being held at the Washington County Detention Center on $22,000 bond.

-11 counts of criminal simulation for the unidentified minor...along with a hope that he will improve his eating habits.

...and that in the future he will have better (and smarter) adult role models

Please feel free to leave a comment below. If you'd like to sing my praises or tell me how terrible I am more personally, I can also be found on Twitter.

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