A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime: You can leave your hat on.

(photo @ villagehatshop)

Stuart, Florida

On October 13 of 2012, police were called by a store owner who stated that a naked man had tried to enter his establishment. When an officer arrived on the scene, he found that the claim was not entirely accurate.

For starters, the man in question, 53-year-old David Parlier, was not completely in the nude. He was, in fact, wearing a hat...and a large amount of his own feces due to the fact that he had recently defecated on himself.

When the officer asked Parlier why he was naked (except for a hat), wandering around a commercial parking lot, and trying to open random car doors, he replied that his friends had "set him up."

 "Dude...let's get him naked...make him poop himself...AND WEAR A HAT!"

Once again, a hat tip must go to Will Greenlee and his Off The Beat crime report, which is one of the only news sites that links to the actual police reports...

...but I have to ask, Mr. Greenlee, why did you feel the need clarify this for your article:

"A hat is a covering for the head that can be worn for decoration, protection, ceremonial or other reasons."

You're better than that, Will....or you're just trolling...which if that's the case, I applaud your fine efforts, good sir.

But I digress...Parlier was given a garbage bag to cover himself up with and charged with misdemeanor exposure of sexual organs.

...and before you ask, none of the available reports stated 
what type of hat he was wearing. That mystery is killing me, too.

Please feel free to leave a comment below. If you'd like to sing my praises or tell me how terrible I am more personally, I can also be found on Twitter

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