A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime Wednesday: Drunk Negotiations

(photo @ tejaswy.com)

St. John's County, Florida

On July 27, 2012, Officer Christopher Hernandez observed a silver Honda weaving in and out of its lane and making a very wide right turn. Suspecting that the vehicle's operator may be intoxicated, Officer Hernandez pulled the car over.

When he approached the driver's side window, the person inside made approximately six unsuccessful attempts at rolling down her window before finally nailing it on the seventh try. As the driver began explaining that her erratic movements were due to the car being new and an inexplicable blind spot, Officer Hernandez detected the strong hint of alcohol...and crushing stupidity.

The girl's name was Christine Stoudemire. Hernandez was easily able to confirm this because her fake ID (which was done up to appear as if it was from South Carolina) was sitting right on top of her actual, Florida issued license.

When Hernandez informed her that he was going to conduct a field sobriety test, Christine refused. The resulted in a trip to police station, during which she complained that she didn't understand what the big deal was since she had driven "way more times like this."

After realizing that her appeal for leniency was falling on deaf ears, Christine then realized that her impending arrest would result in the loss of her fake ID. She explained to Hernandez that it had taken her months to get the money together to obtain it (really?).

Christine then made a classic rookie negotiating mistake; after talking up the item's high amount of value to her, she tried to low ball and offered the officer $15 to get it back. 

Christine's offer was not accepted. Instead she was arrested and booked at the St. John's County Jail on a traffic charge along with third degree fraud.

The fashion police also charged Christine 
with screwing up her eye liner application

Please feel free to leave a comment below. If you'd like to sing my praises or tell me how terrible I am more personally, I can also be found on Twitter.

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