A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime: Fast food--still bad for you, even if your pregnancy is fake.

(photo @ wikipedia)

Hamilton County, Ohio

On August 5, 2012, police officers arrived at the home of Tamala Grissett to arrest her for shoplifting approximately $1,300 worth of items from a local Macy's. When they asked her for identification, Tamala handed them a fake I.D. When this tactic failed to get her off the hook (and exposed the fact that she still had 11 outstanding warrants for her arrest), Tamala resorted to Plan B: Screaming at the one of the officers that she was going to kill him and threatening to file an abuse claim.

When that didn't work, Tamala then went with Plan C: Fake pregnancy complications/going into labor.

I'd like to pause the tape for a minute to point out a couple of things:

-Plan C should have been Plan B. Once you've threatened a police officer, you're getting busted no matter what happens next. If Mary had told off a Roman soldier right before giving birth to the baby Jesus, she still would have been thrown in a dungeon before the umbilical cord was cut. I doubt Tamala's possibly fake child birth would have gained much sympathy from her arresting officers.

-I referred to a "possibly" fake child birth due to the fact that it's not yet known if she is actually pregnant or not. That's really embarrassing for everyone involved in this situation.

The officers rushed Tamala to the hospital. After only a few minutes, however, she promptly made a daring escape...to a nearby McDonald's.


The sweet siren call of McRibs and Free Wifi is 
just too much for some fugitives to resist.

Police arrived at the golden arches and made the arrest. Tamala Grisset has been charged with theft, escape, aggravated menacing (?) and obstruction of official business. She is currently being held at the Hamilton County Justice Center.

Hamilton County Sheriff's Office
Where is most likely not "lovin' it" at all.

Please feel free to leave a comment below. If you'd like to sing my praises or tell me how terrible I am more personally, I can also be found on Twitter.

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