A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime Wednesday: When life as a thief gives you lemons, take some cheese

(photo @ henningscheese.com)

Alamonte Springs, Florida

On June 9, 2012 at 2:00 AM, a burglar decided that a local Pizza hut would be an excellent place to grab some quick cash. This decision was probably made with great haste or while heavily intoxicated due to a couple of factors:

1. He wasn't wearing any shoes. No one goes out store robbing without proper footwear.
2. There was absolutely no effort made at being subtle; he smashed the glass on the front door with a crow bar.

Once he wandered inside, the burglar continued adding to the case against him being cast in Ocean's Fourteen by going full on Incredible Hulk and angrily slamming the cash register onto the ground.


After a few minutes of dejectedly digging around the destruction which he had wrought, the man realized he wasn't going to be leaving the store with any cash that evening...so he decided to take something that he knww Pizza Hut would have in stock and readily available: 2 cases of mozzarella cheese.

Embedded below is a local news report on the incident, which includes surveillance footage of the thief looking like he just wandered into the restaurant from a Jimmy Buffet concert. The news team was also kind enough to not do the usual "interview with a random person" about the crime, but they did feel the need for an on the scene report...and also couldn't resist one really bad "hot cheese" pun.

As much as we may all be laughing at this shoeless criminal mastermind, he can't be that dumb; the guy has still been at large for almost 2 months. If you live in the Florida area and know someone fitting the burglar's description (who has also been eating grilled cheese sandwiches and unable to poop for two weeks), please contact the police.

Please feel free to leave a comment below. If you'd like to sing my praises or tell me how much I suck more personally, I can also be found on Twitter.


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