A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime: Don't take your baby to a robbery

(photo @ theydonttellyou)

Ocala, Florida

On Sunday, July 22 of 2012, sisters Allison and Laura Niemeyer made a trip to their local Walmart along with Allison's 1-year-old son. This was not, however, going to be a simple shopping trip; it was a heist.

Allison and Laura loaded up their son's diaper bag with $60 worth of Walmart merchandise. Included in their haul were 4 women's t-shirts, a bathing suit, and a package of men's white undershirts. Unfortunately for the criminal duo (trio if you count the one that can't use a toilet yet), a Walmart loss prevention officer caught the pair as they tried to leave the store and ordered them to come back inside.

Allison already had a fairly extensive criminal record and was still under a court ordered house arrest until 2021 (!) for attempted robbery. Knowing that her illegal excursion to Wally World (and her subsequent attempt at shoplifting) would mean a trip to the jail, Allison took off for the vast and dangerous expanse that is a Florida Walmart parking lot.

They may drive slowly, but they also travel in packs and are still quite dangerous.

Laura remained with Allison's child and decided to take the fall for her sister by staying with the Walmart loss prevention officer...for all of about 30 seconds. She wrestled free from the employee and bolted after Allison into the parking lot, where the sisters were picked up by a blue van and spirited away.

As police began their manhunt for the sisters, the Department of Children and Families took in the baby, who had surely been abandoned by his mother and aunt due to a desire on their part to keep him from the life of crime they had decided to lead.

In fact, both women probably agonized over how they may never see their beautiful baby boy again...while they were cutting a rug at a local dance club that same evening...in the same town as the Walmart they had just tried to rob that morning.

Clubbing: A great way to relieve stress 
when your child is missing...or if she's "missing."

Police showed up to the Ocala Entertainment Complex and arrested the sisters without incident. Allison and Laura Niemeyer are currently facing multiple charges; in addition to shoplifting, Allison is charged with violating her probation and child neglect/abandonment. Laura has been charged resisting a merchant.

                                            Allison Niemeyer                                   Laura Niemeyer

Both have also officially been removed from "Mother of the Year" and "Aunt of the Year" consideration, respectively.

Please feel free to leave a comment below. If you'd like to sing my praises or tell me how much I suck more personally, I can also be found on Twitter.

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