A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime Wednesday: Anti-Semitic Elmo

Update: Anti Semitic Elmo has been identified and interviewed (see below)

For some time now, New York's Central Park has been terrorized by a mentally unbalanced adult male dressed in an Elmo suit. He is belligerent, incredibly racist, and also claims to work for John Gotti.  He also seamlessly alternates between racist diatribes, cursing at people, and posing for pictures with children.

In case you don't believe me (and I wouldn't blame you if you didn't), embedded below is a very NSFW video of the Evil Elmo. It begins with him yelling at a man about his mafia connections, repeatedly dropping the f-bomb, and terrifying a nearby child.  

He is then confronted by a man in a tuxedo jacket with hearts on it....and for some reason, you almost feel bad for Elmo. It's hard watching the adorable Sesame Street character get yelled at, even if he deserved it. 

Afterwards, things become even more surreal when he takes a picture with a little girl.

So maybe Elmo has some anger issues. But just when you think he may have some good in him, another video of Elmo emerges. This one features him going on a racist rant about his belief that he is harassed by Jewish cops...and that Jewish people won't allow anyone else to start a business in the city.

He also encourages people to read The International Jew, a series of anti-Semitic pamphlets that were published in the 1920's.  Despite the lack of foul language in the video embedded below, the aggressive and vile racism spewing forth from Elmo's smiling face makes it even more disturbing.

He's also wearing knee pads for some reason...

On Sunday, June 24 of 2012, the New York PD hauled Evil Elmo away for a psychiatric evaluation. Why it took this long to figure out that this guy was mentally disturbed is a bit troubling. He has been doing this for quite a while and has also been known to harass tourists in Times Square.

Other people who dress up like Elmo around New York (seriously...multiple people do this) were glad to see their hateful counterpart taken off the streets. The New York Times interviewed a Peruvian Elmo impersonator named Luis, who claimed that the Evil Elmo did not share their red and fuzzy brotherhood.

“He would stop and say that we were all illegal immigrants and that people shouldn’t have their photos taken with us,” Luis lamented. (Hopefully someone later tickled Luis so that he could giggle and feel a bit better).

Sesame Street is also not pleased with Evil Elmo's antics. In a statement made to the New York Times, they declared: 
"The 'Sesame Street' Muppets are known the world over, and we do not condone unauthorized representations of our characters." 

Elmo is, however, completely authorized to look totally hot.

The identity of Evil Elmo has not been released due to him not actually being arrested (he was taken in for a medical evaluation).  He is currently under observation at New York-Presbyterian Hospital.

Even though he wasn't arrested, his encounter with police and the bizarre nature of his actions made this one too crazy not to include as a Weird Crime Wednesday entry. And besides, shouting anti-Semitic rants and threatening random park goers while wearing the costume of a beloved children's character may not be an actionable offense, but it's still a crime against humanity.

At least now the infamous 'Who Wants to Die' or 'Kill James' Elmos can know that they are no longer the most horrifying uses of a Sesame Street character to date.

                                                                                     Original photo @ Sara Krulwich/The New York Times 
...and men in Elmo suits can go back to scaring kids just because they don't look right.

Update June 28, 2012

Despite being asked by police not to reenter the park, Anti-Semitic Elmo was back at work on Tuesday, posing for pictures and going on anti-Semitic rants. Michael Wilson of the New York Times drew the short straw and did an interview the fuzzy lunatic. A few of the highlights:

  • He legally changed his name from Dan Sandler to Adam Sandler (the Times respected his request not to publish his original name, but I don't take requests from racist people in Elmo costumes seriously).
  • Despite this incredibly stupid decision, he is educated, holding a bachelor's degree from the University of Oregon; Go Ducks!
  • He ran a porn site in Cambodia called "Welcome to Rape Camp." A paper documenting Mr. Sandler's depraved website was published by professor Donna M. Hughes at the University of Rhode Island. He refers to it simply as a "sex scandal."
  • After being deported from Cambodia (DEPORTED from CAMBODIA), he went to work for the New York office of the Girl Scouts of America (!).
  • He can sometimes make $200 in one day off the tips he receives for taking pictures with children.

In addition to all that terrifying and disturbing information, the New York Times includes a soul crushing photograph of Mr. Sandler with part of his Elmo costume off.

I know I made joke earlier about the unnecessary knee pads he wears, but now I know that they can serve a very important purpose: For parents to identify and avoid the Elmo character that hates Jewish people and had a rape themed porn site.

Another video also turned up of him outside the Times Square Toys 'R Us. This time, Evil Elmo is screaming at people not to buy Leap Frog brand toys and spewing his usual hate speech (albeit a bit more aggressively).

...and I think that's just about enough internet for today. 

Feel free to leave a comment below. If you'd like to sing my praises or proclaim how much I suck personally, you can find me on twitter.


Unknown said…
Not condoning faux Elmo's actions but the politically correct mob should shriek in their brainwashed outrage that this lambasting of faux Elmo puts a LIE to the PC mantra of "diversity is our strength."

Or does the PC horde only want the diversity that they accept as proper?
magpie said…
Sounds like you have an Elmo costume in your closet. Among other things.
Anonymous said…
Huh? Please speak English. This is America!
p-dawg said…
While I may not agree with what someone says, if they're in a public park, they should have the right to say it. We USED to believe that people should be allowed to say whatever they want, and then others could decide whether to agree or not. Sadly, that is changing. Maybe racist Elmo can find a Free Speech Zone somewhere....
Frankly I think we need more Elmoes like this one.

What? Elmo is supposed to be nice? Who are you willing to censor free speech for - Sesame Street?
Anonymous said…
The University of Oregon, it's all beginning to make sense now.
Sweet blissful ignorance said…
While I disagree with Scott, how is that not English.

Perhaps I'll translate it to American for you, even though it's a world wide article

"So like not that I agree with the fake Elmo's actions and stuff but I totally think that like the appropriate like... people? should like respond to this because of you know the brainwashing? and stuff? you know? by just kinda... judging? this Elmo it puts untruths into the politically correct like mantra? you know that thing I do when I yoga? with my starbucks coffee? That we are stronger through our differnces? except illegals because according to Arizonas new laws diversity is like... destroying the workforce in which America is built on? so like... yeah"

Hope that cleared it up for you.
JelliDonut said…
Hold on a second. A guy puts together a rape porno site, gets deported from Cambodia then gets hired by the Girl Scouts, and now parents have his picture taken with their kids AND THEY TIP HIM?
Anonymous said…
Hahahaha awesome. Next?
Anonymous said…
F*** Israel and the Zionists. I got my costume ready!
Anonymous said…
No I wouldn't. But it is my job to take care of it. Not the government or anyone else.

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