A Letter to My Dog, Half Pint

This last year may have been the worst one of my life, but at least I've got the world's two greatest dogs by my side to help me stagger into 2018. Today's post features a letter to Half Pint. Benjamin will be getting a letter later this week--he'd never let me hear the end of it, otherwise. Also, this posts features a lot of short video clips of Half Pint being silly. Since I apparently can't do anything right these days, they are exclusively shot in vertical mode. Please accept my apologies (and cut me some friggin' slack).

Weird Crime Wednesday: If you have just robbed someone, you should probably wait a few days before calling to ask them out on a date.

(photo @ sodahead)

On Thursday, March 1 of 2011, John Jardini decided that he needed two things:  Some extra money and a good woman.  While men have sought to fulfill these two desires since the dawn of time, Jardini went about it in what may very well be the dumbest way possible.

He first decided to leave his hometown of Carrick, Pennsylvania and head into Pittsburgh on his quest for love and money.  While the quantity of money and available women may be much greater in a large city, Jardini went to one place where you are not likely to find much of either:  The bus stop.

Unless you're like that guy in orange,
who is totally working the room.

At this point, Jardini went backwards and overly aggressive in his pursuits.  He found a woman (who had just gotten off the bus and was waiting for her mother) and proceeded to rob her of $60.  Now while most of us would consider this a total deal breaker, Jardini was still able to somehow get the girl's number.

Unfortunately, he forgot the basic rule about waiting 2-3 days to call.  Minutes after stealing money from the new object of his affection, he used his cell phone to call and ask her out on a date...twice!  

Not only did this make him seem a bit desperate, but it also scared the girl a bit, who had already called police about the robbery.  Jardini's insistence on calling his beloved within minutes after the robbery gave the police an active and nearby cell phone that they could use to track down Mr. Romance.

Not to mention the animated hearts and
his distinct "Pepe le Pew" smell

Then like something out of the worst romantic comedy imaginable, love and serendipity brought the two back together at a local area supermarket.  Before police had even finished tracing Jardini's phone, he was meeting his one true love and getting to know her mother.

Oh, and by "getting to know" them, we actually mean physically assaulting both the mom and daughter outside of the store.  The police showed up, arrested Jardini, and (probably) made him listen to 'Love Stinks' all the way to the Allegheny County jail, where he is currently residing and (probably) writing terrible/creepy poetry.

And just to pile onto the dude's heart broken misery, KDKA 2 Pittsburgh went around with a camera and asked people for their opinions on how stupid he is.

And so ends the ballad of John Jardini, a man who started off after a woman's wallet, but ended up going after her heart.  

Good thing he only tried to use a knife for one of those.


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